Obviously, I Missed the Obvious!

I always seem to miss the obvious.

I miss a vital piece of non-verbal communication needed to lead me to an obvious conclusion. Or miss making a connection between two concepts at work, and someone must explain it to me. Or I don’t take an action I “should have known to take because it was obvious.” (Yep, I’ve heard this one before – from my boss!)

I heard some variation of, “but it was obvious” so much growing up (and as an adult) that I started to believe something was wrong with my brain. I’m missing some little electrical pathways in my head or something.

My grades in school were always excellent and coming up with out-of-the-box solutions isn’t unusual for me either. But catching what neurotypicals consider obvious? Not so much.

It wasn’t until my diagnosis that I started to pay a little more attention to this and there’s a little less deficiency and more a difference. Let’s look at what I mean.

But first, let’s address this question:  why do autistics miss the obvious?

Swimming in the Details

Autistics process information from the details up to the bigger picture. Sometimes we are so caught up in processing the details that we take longer to think our way through to the bigger concept.

When neurotypicals can process the bigger concept quicker, they can recognize more ‘obvious’ connections before us. It doesn’t mean we always miss the obvious connections or concepts, but the delay in our thought processing – because of our cognitive need to connect all the details – can make it appear that we don’t see it.

Often, a light bulb will go off after a conversation has ended. It takes that long to process all the details and come to the same conclusion that neurotypicals may think through quicker. It’s like that saying, “Unable to see the forest for the trees.”

A neurotypical can see a few of the trees and jump to the forest. Autistics need to see each tree individually before we can build out the forest in our thinking processes.

A Little Too Subtle for Me

And then there are all the subtleties of communication. Neurotypicals can instinctively pick up on subtle non-verbal cues like facial expressions, body language, and vocal tone. But my autistic brain doesn’t operate this way because we tend to take things literally.

If you say, “I’m fine,” I believe what you say. Reading your tone isn’t instinctual, especially if it isn’t an over-the-top shift. So, it isn’t a reach that we may miss that you aren’t actually “fine.”

What neurotypicals may view as obvious based on non-verbal communication and social cues isn’t always so apparent for autistic people.

It explains all the interactions I’ve had like this: 

Friend: “Well, obviously, she’s upset.”

Me: “She is?”

Non-verbal communication and social cues can be too subtle for me to pick up on which leads me to miss the obvious.

Can I have a minute to think, please?

Auditory processing is how the brain perceives and interprets sounds. Not all autistic individuals experience auditory processing challenges, but many do, including me!

How we process sound can delay or prevent us from catching cues or key information needed to make obvious connections. For example, I can’t filter out background noise and other conversations. If two conversations are going on at the dinner table, I can’t distinguish between the conversation I’m involved in and the other one. After a while, I go silent and just sit and pretend to listen. People get tired of me asked for them to repeat themselves.

Background noises don’t float into white noise for me. If the air conditioner is pumping in the background, I hear it. The elevator climbing up the shaft? Yep, I hear that too. It can overwhelm my ability to process verbal information.

Even in a perfect environment – no background noise, no other conversations – processing auditory information can be delayed. It takes me longer to understand what others are saying. I hear the words but don’t grasp what is said and takes me a while to think through it. This can explain why I can make obvious connections as I’m walking away from a conversation. My brain finally finishes processing what was said!

Flipping the Script

I may be oblivious to the things neurotypicals may perceive as obvious; but I’ve often found myself standing on the other side. There are times I’ve made a connection or acted based on what I perceived to be obvious but the neurotypicals around me didn’t see or catch.

It’s a weird feeling really when it happens at work. My coworkers start praising me for figuring out something because it was an out-there concept and everyone else missed it.  

But to me, it was easy. It was obvious.

These experiences prove autistics aren’t deficient; we’re just different.

Although my tendency for detail-oriented thinking and the need to find patterns can make it difficult to catch things neurotypicals view as obvious, it does help me make connections where others don’t normally look for them. This may contribute to neurotypicals’ perception that we can pick up on complex skills and concepts but struggle with the most simplistic things. Because we think differently, we make different observations. Our ability to think through the details can help us point out gaps and missing pieces of information others miss.

This ability is a strength.

The world can benefit from us. We bring valuable strengths such as attention to detail, pattern recognition, and unique perspectives. These strengths may be barriers in some areas but it’s important that we realize how valuable they are in other areas – they can complement common neurotypical strengths.

It’s why so many companies are putting more emphasis on the importance in the diversity of thought.